I Wonder Why
by Vergess
Summary: [Spoilers] I wonder why I did what I did? I wonder if they wonder too? Is it possible they would want to know the thoughts that ran through my head? Unlikely, but it could be true... [Various scenes from KH2, and the thoughts that may hide behind them.]
1. I Saved Her?

It's been a along while since I wrote a real live fanfic, hasn't it? Well, I'm back, I suppose.

Now then, onto more important things. **One**- I _cannot_ stress enough how many spoliers for KH2 this is going to have. It ought to number well into the millions, simply because, in typical Kayu fashion, I am writing what I beleive may have been running through the characters' minda during certain scenes of the game.

**Two**- There will be slash. Lots of it. Like tons. Because, honestly, if you've ever played Kingdom Hearts without wondering at least a little bit about the sexuality of at least _one_ of the characters, then you are a crazy, craaaaaazy person. Besides, it is too much fun to have people like Sora torn between wanting Riku or Kairi.

**Three**- Kairi will be an acceptable human being. All too often I see Kairi being treated like dirt. That bugs me, because in my opinion, Kairi is awesome. And no where near as Mary Sure as people claim. Or as stupid. For the love of all that is sacred, she got her own damn Keyblade! Does that not prove to you she is worthy?

**Four**- Hmm, well, things can't have changed to much if I still need this thing. No. As much as I want to, I do not own Kingdom Hearts or any associated stuff, nor do I own very much at all. If I did though, you can bet that there would be plenty of changes.

* * *

**Naminè **  
I Wonder Why...I Saved Her?

* * *

No heart. That's what defines us, isn't it? And it's what separates us, ironically, from the heartless. Because the heartless are nothing but a heart, and we are everything else that remains afterwards. The heartless feel nothing, and we shouldn't either, incomplete as we are, but we do still feel. Or at least, our minds tell us we can. Even for me, with no memories of my own life, my mind is still human and it still demands that I believe it when it says I can feel fear, or depression, joy or hatred, or most importantly, love. 

Love. Defined solely by the heart, but contained within the soul and mind as well. Love is supposed to shudder endlessly through your whole being, but if you have no being then it obviously could not. For the lower Nobodies, this is true. They feel nothing, because the process of their bodies and souls being abandoned destroyed the minds they once had.

For the ones like myself, like Organization XIII, like Roxas, our minds are in tact, though where I am concerned, that could be debatable. However, I can still think freely, as can the rest of us, the highest order of the Nobodies. So, in that way, we do have beings, as the hall of the Organization's castle stated, we have the proof of our existence.

In that we are conscious, sentient, understanding, we are as alive as anyone. And yet, to be alive, you must have a heart. Is that not how they define it? Every living being has a heart. A doctrine I have heard countless times as the Superior begins building his own crazed Kingdom Hearts. He is the only one I doubt the liveliness of. His mind, I am certain, is not his own.

So, as conscious beings, it stands to reason that we would feel, does it not? It sounds perfectly sane, when you think of it through the eyes of a Nobody, because we know, though no others can, that those of us with minds are still alive. Incomplete, yes, but existent.

Axel was the first to show me that, as he endlessly struggled through his own plans while acting like he cared about those Marluxia had hatched. After that, Roxas showed me again that we were alive, for he abandoned the Organization. If we were truly numb and incapable of feeling, what reason would he have had to abandon it? There is no readily available logical explanation, the only possibility was that he _felt_ that he had to go. Just as Axel _felt_ the inexplicable desire to make him stay, along with interminable anger when he learned that Roxas had forgotten everything.

A mind can tell you when you should feel something, but it cannot actually make you feel it. So what, I am left to wonder, is that strange _thing _that lets me feel want, sadness, anxiety, the need for freedom and the overpowering depression at the knowledge that it will never come? Perhaps, in the absence of the heart of our other, we begin creating our own hearts. Those of us with minds strong enough to remember having them, at least.

Yet, we remain aware that we are not bearers of hearts, that we cannot be considered living. That we are nothing more than Nobodies.

For days now, they have kept my other trapped in a cage within the castle. Every time I see her, though I make certain I am never seen by any of them, the girl included, I can feel the want multiply a thousand fold, as well as the doubt, uncertainty, and the urge to believe that if I let myself become a part of her again, she will take what keeps me in this strange half existence, and leave me behind with nothing. Like any living being, I fear death with all my heart. And I do know, because of that, that a heart is held within me, whether it is the heart of another or not.

Today, however, that heart is speaking differently. Today I am led to believe that the message I gave to Roxas before we were separated was more than an attempt to finish my work for the Organization and buy my freedom from them. Maybe completion does await me at the hands of Kairi, rather complete oblivion.

So, today, I shall stand in the center of my little white room, and I shall thrust my hand before me like I have seen all Organization members do. I am as much a Nobody as them, and it is my birthright, if it can be called that, to have the ability to create the pathways using darkness that have so often been abused by them.

At first, I know nothing will happen, for I have tried before, in a futile attempt at my own escape. But this time, my heart will be in it, and in time the tendrils of pure blackness will bloom from the ground like so many of Marluxia's precious flowers, and I will step through a door of my own making to a destination I will choose.

Kairi's cage will come into my vision, and I will keep the gateway open. I will offer my other half the chance to follow me, and when I do, my destiny will lie in her hands alone. Instinct, from a mind alive, will battle and force away the inevitable as long as it can, but when the time comes my heart will be hers, and I will be... Well, who can say? I suppose that is why I am doing this now, putting my life in such risk. For they cannot kill me, even I cannot kill myself, only a Keyblade wielder can destroy me, just as is true of them. So, I would rather try for completion with the risk of oblivion than live in this half state another day.

The darkness blooms, such a contrast to my walls.

A hand with an island tan meets my own, pale from living a life of captivity.

Dark blue eyes, identical to my own, look up and me through hair so very different.

Then, as if mocking the dark doorway I pull her through, a light burns too brightly.

I will stay by her now, to help her fight those that chase us, but already I am being taken away.

I suppose I'm about to find out what happens when a Nobody becomes Somebody after all.


	2. I blushed?

* * *

**Sora**  
I Wonder Why... I Blushed?

* * *

Goofy was the one who noticed I was blushing. 

"Gawrsh, Sora. Why's your face all red?"

For someone as completely out of it as him, he notices a lot of things. The trouble is, he can't always put together the significance of what he sees. That's what Donald is for, I suppose. Crazy, annoying, greedy and loud mouthed, almost more so because of the strange quacking quality of his voice, but definitely able to put two and two together. As long as Goofy supplies him with the numbers themselves, that is.

"I bet I know who he's thinking about!"

I doubt that, Donald. Smart or not, you haven't been given all the numbers for this equation. I'm pretty sure Goofy has them though, that complacent smile of his is enough to tell me that. But again, he probably can't see the significance of those numbers.

When Will and Elizabeth finally had each other back, a hundred images flashed through my head, all of two people. Kairi and Riku. As the two embraced each other with such heartfelt passion, my mind slipped away into another realm where I could do the same. Donald, I'm sure, believed I thought only of my precious Kairi. Goofy knew I thought of both of them, but he couldn't tell why.

I knew all of it.

I knew that everything I felt for Kairi, I felt for Riku. I knew that I had so often thought of them as my most important, most necessary friends. I knew that once we had been separated, I could only think of them in terms of love, not like.

Will had Elizabeth.

Donald had Daisy.

The King had his Queen.

I had neither of them. I had lost Kairi after she was taken to rebuild Destiny Isles. And Riku? I had yet to see him, truly him, not the tool Ansem had constructed, since the night of Destiny Isle's destruction. I should have tried harder, been less afraid, taken the hand he offered. I couldn't.

I should be trying to get back to her, to return to the safety of having at least one of my friends, rather than risking losing both of them again by chasing after the second. I couldn't.

Kairi and Riku.

Riku and Kairi.

Either way I think about it, it sounds the same. They are both equal to me. Both everything to me. And as the two in front of me embrace, I cannot be swerved from my thoughts, even by the teases of my friends. I want that for myself. For Kairi. For Riku. I want both of them, and I almost know I will have neither.

I have spent my life told that I could have one soul mate. Obviously, Kairi was my only choice, she was the damsel in distress I had rescued, the one that everyone seemed to know I was meant for, everyone except me. Riku shouldn't have been a factor at all. But he was. And how was I to limit myself to one of them? I couldn't. I could never decide. So, I showered Kairi with shy affection, and I clung to Riku like he as my savior. I gave them both everything I could.

I guess it would be better if I only chose one of them. Could I really manage them both? Of course, they would know. They always know. To them, I must seem utterly transparent. I am certain both of them know of my love for the other. And more certain still that if I chose one, the other would be crushed. It is not a choice I could make. I am not sure it is even mine at all.

Perhaps that was why the two never got along,. Maybe they were out to win me over. Trying to make that descion for me.

My thoughts are cut short by the white light of a keyhole appearing. Yet, even as I run through the familiar moves, even as I put my whole being into driving shut the hole in this world of Port Royal, I can't help but be assaulted by one last image. The three of us together, as friends, as lovers, as everything to each other.

Maybe one day.

Until then, I'll just have to keep chasing them both.


	3. I Failed Him?

You know, there is something amazingly great about Riku as a playable character, for no matter how short or trivial a time... Now, according to the official plot, Riku saved Sora, and then they beat the crap out of Xemnas. But don't even try to tell me you didn't get Riku killed once or twice while trying to either get over the shock that you were playing as him, or get used to his attacks.

**

* * *

Riku**  
I Wonder Why...I Failed Him?

* * *

Sora lies limp in the air, surrounded by a dark energy that looks too familiar for my comfort. Even though I once wielded that same power, it still turns my stomach to watch it in action. Or maybe it is simply because Sora is there, slowly but surely being destroyed by that man, the one who looks so much like I used to, back when I was his Heartless and he was my Nobody. 

I run for them, and I try to get to them, to free Sora from the prison that Xemnas has built for him, but the clones keep blocking me, and with every one I defeat, another comes forth and tries to defeat me. Suddenly, I can't help but wonder if I will be the one to die first. That thought jolts me, charges me with something, probably adrenaline, and I swing Soul Eater with all my skill.

Xemnas's doppelgangers still come after me, and each one he sends brings me closer to the death that will condemn Sora too, but they aren't blocking me any longer. They try, of course, but are destroyed before their Guard can even form.

I'm so close now. I can feel the static charge of that black lightening, and I can see every hair on Sora's head, stiff and vibrating with the energy that is leeching him of his existence with every second.

I have to jump, to break the beam, to break Xemnas's control.

The ground leaves me, and gravity loses its grasp on me for so short a time. I aim Soul Eater, and it swings true, it always does in my hands, but by then it is too late. The clones must have hurt me more than I realized through my need to rescue Sora, because the second that darkness touches me, I can no longer feel my body, and I can almost hear Soul Eater clang onto the ground with that strange finality.

Dead.

He and I.

I can feel life draining away from me as the ground once more calls gravity to attach me to it.

I couldn't save him. I failed to free him, and now… Death will have us both.

Xemnas won.

The Nobodies have defeated the only force capable of stopping them.

One more glance before I go, that's all I want. Even if it is only to see Sora still trapped in death's embrace.

My eyes open, I expect to see him hanging above me, but all I see are those spirals, the substance of this nothing world.

A voice hits me, his voice.

"Heal!"

I can feel the familiar rush of energy from a Curaga spell. It can do nothing to save me, and he will have depleted his magic.

I freed him though. Maybe Xemnas hasn't won.

The last thread that kept me here, my connection to my Keyblade, is broken when he touches it. It will obey him, because he is the Keyblade master, I was only its chosen wielder.

The last thing I see is Sora carrying both Oblivion and Soul Eater, he looks so dark, perhaps that is my own fault. And Xemnas is falling.

Then, I am once again surrounded by nothing but the darkness.


	4. I Was Willing to Die for Them?

**Axel**  
I Wonder Why… I Was Willing to Die for Them?

* * *

I lay on a cold, solid floor, though not quite a substantial one. It feels too cold, actually. But then again, I'm probably just too hot. That's the trouble with being a fire wielder. You tend to just …burnout. Of course, that's only if you let your entire non-existence be channeled into it. 

I wonder what Roxas thinks of me now, now that I've given up my life, well as much as I had, to save him. Is he even still alive inside that brunet kid? Naminè used to say that if we found our other halves, we could become whole again, but even she never believed that. Even if it were true, though, I doubt Sora would be weak hearted enough for Roxas's personality to shine through unless it was being given the chance. Then again, maybe Roxas would be tough enough to get out, just to watch me die.

Hmm, well, maybe the kid's not all that bad. He certainly seems to care. I've never actually seen someone _cry_ over another person they'd met only once before, and certainly hadn't been very fond of. But, then again, maybe that's the Roxas in him after all. I mean, when we were fighting side by side it had certainly seemed like it was Roxas again. There had been friendly banter, and jokes about the enemy. He had even healed me once, when I'd nearly fallen unconscious to the ground.

He seems to think there's a chance I could survive this. Or maybe he's just in denial. I can't imagine why he'd want me to live, though. I mean, I took that girl from him, the one he so viciously fought for before.

"Hey, tell Kairi I'm sorry about what I did to her."

"Y-You can tell her yourself when you see her!"

Aww, kid, don't say stuff like that. I know I'm not going to see that girl again, and I'll miss her too. I don't now many who'd just stroll through a portal like that without even struggling. But it doesn't help that you're trying to make me feel better, because I can't _feel_, remember? You said so yourself.

Besides, the fact that I'm dissolving ought to be a hint. Turning right back into the nothingness that made me.

Of course, I think you know better now, about our feelings. Or maybe that's still just the Roxas in you. After all, I know _he_ wouldn't want me dropping dead like that. If it is still you though, Sora, then, hell, you're a better man than any I've ever met, Roxas included.

Damn. You're not even sniffling anymore, hey kid; those are real, full-blown tears. I can't mean that much to you, can I? Well, you mean just as much to me, even if it is only because you're the original Roxas. I can almost see him in you, you know. I think that's the reason I was willing to do what I did. After all, I let the Roxas I knew die out once, I sure as hell wasn't about to let it happen again.

I wonder if he's already gone though? Well, if he's not, I think he'll appreciate this.

I'm all but transparent now, but that doesn't mean I'm gone, not yet. We Nobodies are made out of stronger stuff than that. Before I go, I'm leaving you a tribute. It'll take all I've got left, but it'll be more than worth it. Besides, I can't stand to see you keep being so miserable anyway.

Focus. I've got to stay focused. My precious chakram, they've served me well. Who even knows how many people I've killed with those bladed wheels, just because the Organization said so, just because Roxas was there, and I needed to stay beside him. Maybe I'll meet up with him again in oblivion. Until then, you can keep them, my wonderful weapons, but not like that. You could never use them like that. I don't know how many times Roxas nearly killed himself by trying.

One last thought, before I'm gone. Remember me, okay Sora? Remember the last flame I used to give you your life, and when you finally kill that bastard Xemnas, I hope you're willing to use my gift.

Don't ever forget me and my Bond of Flames.


	5. She Fell to the Ground?

I just want to say thanks for all the reveiws. I've never really had a successful 'story' before, if that's what you could call these things, but maybe there's hope for my writing style after all! I'd reply to them all here, but I'm pretty sure I did that already indivdually... Still, thanks so much!

* * *

**Selphie**  
I Wonder Why… She Fell to the Ground.

* * *

Kairi has always been… odd. I suppose that's because she's from somewhere else. Maybe where she was born she's perfectly normal. I don't think it's all right for her to be collapsing like that though, no matter what planet she came from. 

…Not that I think she came from another planet, of course! I mean, that'd be crazy. …Then again, it _is_ Kairi. If anyone could have been from somewhere in space, it's her. It's not like people come washing up on shore every day, y'know?

I should probably stop while I'm ahead. I think I'm confusing myself with all this talk about her. Not that she, as a person, is all that confusing. She's very straightforward. Until you try to get deeper in. Then everything goes to pieces.

I kneel down, now. It'd be no good for her to just lie there, but I'm only one girl! It's not like I can lug her all the way back into town. So I'll just sit here and pretend I know what the hell I'm doing…

You know, now that I think about it, Kairi must be the most complex person ever, even if she seems so simple. For example, I'm supposed to be her best friend, right? Well, lately she's been talking about Riku and some other kid. Riku I remember, how could I forget? He was the islands' favorite hottie, and his hair was so amazing! Far be it from me to turn into a drooling fanatic, mostly because I was close enough to call him an acquaintance rather than an impossible goal, but still, it was an amazing sight. I wonder what ever happened to him anyway?

Kairi keeps telling me he just went off for a year, but even his parents don't know what happened to him. Except for her, the entire island thinks he's dead. After all, that raft he and Kairi had been building went missing the same night that he did.

Of course, every time I remind her of that, she gets this awful look on her face. Like she wants to be mad at me for saying something like that, but that she can't, because something is telling her it's not my fault. I'd give anything for it to be my fault, though, because whoever's fault it is, he's driving her insane.

It must be a he, after all, because that's how she talks about him. Kairi remembers a boy; he used to hang out with Riku. I don't remember anyone who hung out with Riku. He barely even put up with Kairi, and she was the closest thing to a friend he'd ever had. And I'm certain that his once-crazed fangirls would remember anyone like that. No one knows him, except Kairi. Which brings me back full circle.

"Are you okay?" She's back up now. It's weird, like she never even fainted.

"Maybe…Maybe waiting isn't good enough."

And there she goes, off like a rocket. And she's back on about the kid, too.

The girl is crazy. She must be. Because she swears up and down that this kid existed, and she desperately wants me to believe her, she wants everyone to. I can tell, even if they can't, because I'm supposed to be her best friend, right?

But I'm not. I know I'm not. Riku understood her more than I do, even through his disdain. And what about the kid she swears exists? I can't remember anyone like that, but… Well, what if we did all forget? I mean, Kairi _is_ the one from the outside. If anyone were going to survive a bout of island-wide amnesia, it'd be her, wouldn't it?

Maybe she isn't quite as crazy as I thought. Or maybe she's just that radiant. It's hard to disagree with her on anything, really.

Why are we going to the shore anyway? What's she doing? …A message in a bottle? What does she think that'll achieve?

"Do you really think it'll get to him?"

"I know it will."

She's got her heart set on it. Pure and totally, she believes it's going to get to him. Who am I to interrupt her dreams like that? Best friend or no, I haven't got the right to interfere. Even if she is crazy.

"Isn't that right, _Sora_?"

Blue eyes. Too blue.

Brown hair, defies gravity; more than mine, even.

Wooden swords.

Paopu fruits.

They watched the sunset.

Secret place, they had one.

Built the raft.

Gone with Riku.

Who is he? Is that the name of the boy Kairi swears existed? Did he really exist? I don't know… I'd have to ask. But I can't. Because she doesn't deserve that. She doesn't deserve to know that everyone still doubts her. It's unfair to her. Besides, I'm beginning to think maybe he did. That he wouldn't have, if just one last heart had given up on him, but now he does again, because of her.

She may be crazy, but it doesn't mean she isn't right.


	6. I Will Never Stop?

Well, Iyce Ex put a review in that mentioned I may want to give a certain someone a shot in my story. Personally, I believe it came out awfully. It's very hard to try and capture the essence of the only Nobody who truly had no emotions. In my opinion at least. Here we are, though.  
Thank you Auron's Fan for pointing out the errors in my quotes!

* * *

**Xemnas**  
I Wonder Why… I Will Never Stop?

* * *

No emotions, no hearts, nothing. Just pure, cold logic. Let the lesser ones believe what they wish, we are the perfect beings because we have no morals, no scruples that can stop us from reaching our goals with ceaseless perfection. Yen Sid, he warned the Keyblader in the beginning that out hearts are gone, no matter how much they may appear to still exist. This is solidly true, no matter how much the Witch wants to believe otherwise. Her words are simply an attempt to bring our downfall, and she will be destroyed soon, just as soon as it becomes necessary. 

For now, I'll hold her captive here, because without her, our perfection will never be reached, and my Kingdom Hearts will never grant me the interminable glory that I, and all my predecessors, have struggled for. Ansem the Wise was but a joke, though he attempted valiantly, he was weakened by the heart that told him not to meddle, as was Xehanort. And the Ansem who was my other? Hah! He was nothing but a heart! His attempts were doomed from the start. I, however, am the product of decades of study, the perfect scientist of hearts.

I can and will understand their secrets, for I am an outsider, with no predefined notions or prejudices wrought by a heart of my own, save that the heart is the source of all _their_ power, and it is obvious that is true. After all, even the Keyblader became nothing but a Shadow when his heart was taken, yet the Nobody he left behind! All the boy's strengths and none of his weaknesses!

It is a pity XIII left us. Had I a heart, I would almost be saddened by the fact that I will have to destroy him for joining the Witch in her goals of the Organization's destruction. And he convinced VIII betray us as well, though the Flurry of Dancing Flames took longer to leave. But, it simply proves further my point. The Keyblader, Sora, would have been able to make his so-called friends follow him into the depths of oblivion, he already has, actually. And so, Roxas could do the same. Every ability, yet many times stronger than the heart-filled boy.

And the one who calls himself DiZ, does he really believe I do not see him for what he is? The first failure of my lineage, one that should have been abolished by Xehanort long ago. He will become troublesome soon, but he will be his own demise, just as soon as the King reaches him again. For the time, I shall let him believe what he wishes. If that includes believing he can be my downfall, then so be it.

My grand Kingdom Hearts is near complete, now. And in moments Saïx will come to me, asking if he may finally be granted a chance to-

"Is Kingdom Hearts complete?"

"Very soon."

"Then, I may drop this illusion?"

"Indeed."

You see. I know my underlings well. Saïx will go forth and fight the Keyblader; he will fail. DiZ will show himself, and the one parading as my other will be given his true form. They will think my Kingdom Hearts is destroyed, but it will not be.

As I said, I am the perfect scientist of hearts. I know every move these emotionally driven creatures will make, and I will be able to counter it. Then, then I will have the perfect heart, one that I created, that shall listen to me more than I listen to it. I will outdo all of them, and I will be known forever. The nothingness eternal.

Someone, one day, will wonder what I want a heart for. They will speculate that I truly felt the need for one. I am above need. I _feel_ nothing. Even if the underlings have echoes of emotion, I am past that.

I am driven solely by the causes of my creation. Until I have mastered the heart, I have no other purpose. A puppet to Xehanort's irrational desires, perhaps, but I am stronger than any of them, and when the Keyblader and his foolish friends attempt to defeat me, they too will see. I am not that simply destroyed.

Light is forever, dark is endless, and **I** am eternal.


	7. This Pocket Became My Home?

Right. I'm beginning to remember that feeling I always got before. That stunning lack of inspiration. I know, for a fact, that I'll be doing a story of Roxas, and there may or may not be one from someone inside Radiant Garden, I don't know who yet, but after that, I'm drawing a blank. Obviously, suggestions are loved. If you have a favorite character or scene you want done, now's the time to let me know.

Also, it's been a very long time since I played KH1. I can't exactly remember how Jiminy came to be part of Sora's team. You'll notice that section is suspiciously vague, or missing, depending on your point of veiw.

* * *

**Jiminy**  
I Wonder Why…This Pocket Became My Home?

* * *

I'm a cricket. That's it. To most people, I am nothing but a bug, and to other crickets I am the black sheep, a cricket incontent to while away his life playing music in the grass. One who searches for something more: an adventure, a life! Something even the most powerful human would envy! Filled with fantasy, filled with amazing sights and villainous enemies! 

At first, I had Pinocchio, but all too quickly the wooden boy became real, and then he grew out of his madness, and my adventure seemed to have ended. So, I retired to Disney Castle, where I wrote my records of life in Pinocchio's wooden age, of his boundless joy and naiveté leading inevitably to a predicament that matched my needs for freedom from the grass.

Quickly enough, I became well known. There are not hundreds of crickets with my lust for life. With my almost-but-not-quite fame, I found myself one day before the King himself; he was writing a note. He made every effort to hide it from me, but I am an insect, and with the definition come the compounded eyes. I could see more than he knew. I still can. How else would I survive these tumultuous journeys, my wonderful godsends?

The note was hidden well though. All I know of its words now are scattered fragments, but I remember that it seemed as though he would be leaving for a very long time, and there was a mention of a key. In all honesty, I brushed it off. If the King was leaving his castle to create a key of some sort, who was I to bother him.

Apparently, someone important.

He didn't tell me what the note itself read as he stamped it with the three-circled seal that looks so much like himself and his Queen. Instead he told me I was going to get the adventure I had thirsted for since leaving behind Gepetto and his puppet-turned-son. I didn't know then, but now I wonder how I could have missed the pieces falling into place. I have made it my purpose never to do such a thing again.

So now, my eyes glisten and my pens flies. My entire minuscule body shakes as the sounds of battle rush through me. Every move they make, I record with endless precision. For so long, Pinocchio was my masterpiece, my only piece. Now I have Sora, Donald and Goofy to contend with, and even_ I_ sometimes wonder how they manage what they do.

Crouching in the human's little pocket with my too-large-for-me-too-small-for-them journal, I turn the page. A blank space lies imposingly before me, but there is no time to pause and savor that blankness. Not with such a battle raging! Even the slight fear that Sora's pocket will be crushed, and I with it, does not worry me any longer, not enough to make my writing slip, at least. I have survived in this little cloth home many worse things, the Hydra itself and pirates cursed into skeletons! These white elastic beings are nothing so dangerous.

So, the ink bleeds into the paper as I write furiously. What they look like, how to fight them, what to call them! Yen Sid gave us the name of Nobodies, but the rest of the names are mine to weave, and because of what I am to this story, the author and the tale weaver, these names will stick. I believe the ones they battle now will be called Assassins. Simple, but fitting.

That is the trick to this, after all. The names must make sense; simple and perfectly fit, just like every other piece of this story. And if something doesn't fit, it must be watched with utmost care, for when it does fall into place, I plan to be the first to know.

Crouched in the safety of the Hero's pocket, guarded by the magic and valor of his friends, I will write everything down.

I will do this because everyone will want to know. But another reason lies below that. I will write because without it, what would I be? After all, without a subject, I would be no author, no storyteller, no writer nor recorder.

I would be nothing but a cricket.


	8. Summer Always Ends So Soon?

Hmm…This one didn't turn out quite as well as I'd thought. Maybe I should have gone with the 'Why I Left the Organisation' one. Oh well, I'll save that for some other time.

* * *

**Roxas**  
I Wonder Why…Summer Always Ends so Soon?

* * *

It looks like he's in a flower. A lotus. Lotuses have special meanings, don't they? So that's what it must be. Only, it doesn't really look like _he_'s in a lotus so much as it looks like _I_ am. Or, another me. It isn't though, though, because I don't exist. That's what Naminè said, at least. I don't think that's what she meant, she's too nice to mean something so awful, but that doesn't change the fact that she said it. 

If I touch him, I'll disappear. I'll be gone. Just like that. No more Struggle, no more ice cream, no more Hayner or Pence or Ollette, nothing. I suppose it wouldn't be too bad. It's not like I'd miss them, if I don't exist anymore. Except, I don't exist now, but I miss them already. This is so…there isn't even a word to describe it. Maybe I could make one up. Except, how does someone who doesn't exist make something new?

Wow. This kid in the flower, he just shows up and then my entire life goes all to pieces. I'd say it's unfair but… Well, he was here first. I guess I'd be the one impos- No! No, no, no! This is my life, crazy and fucked to hell, but it's mine. He can't just…He just…He can't.

How can he even have been the first one? I have memories of my life here, of growing up in a town where the sun is always setting and never really gone. But, I have other memories now too. Memories of black trench coats and wheel-carrying men with hair big and red enough to cause seizures and of castles with thirteen floors in either direction. Then there is the third set. Memories of this boy, of his island and his friends, memories that aren't mine but feel so much like they are.

Memories. That's Naminè's forte, isn't it? I don't know what's real anymore, but I have notions of her being called the witch by that strange, scythe-wielding man and the woman with antennae, because she could control memories, just like they controlled flowers and thunder. I'd rather not dwell on their names, it would only make them seem more real, and I'd rather if they weren't.

It's such a strange capsule. Beautiful, in a coldly pure way, like that room of solid white where Naminè lives. Or lived. Maybe they've killed her, I wouldn't put it past them. But the watery glass, like a dewdrop blooming into something completely impossible still draws my attention. If it's still here, and the boy inside is still alive, then surely Naminè is as well. Besides, she said we'd meet again. She wouldn't lie to me. Not that I can truly believe that, but…Well, she seems too familiar for me to do anything but trust her.

His name is Sora, isn't it? This spike haired boy. The sky. How strange, but I guess it must suit him somehow. I don't know how, though. Maybe his spirits are sky high. That's what the memories tell me. They also tell me other things. There's a girl he loves, red hair and a name he once forgot. And a boy who betrayed him and saved him, who he loves equally. I suppose I'm lucky that my emotions were never so strong, it must tear him apart. Actually, I never really felt anything too deeply until the dreams began attacking me. I wonder if it's because I don't exist?

No existence, no emotions. If that's true, though, then why do I feel so awful about this? If I don't exist, why do I feel like I do? If I was never meant to live, how I can fear death?

Questions, questions. Hundreds of them, but I won't get any answers. It used to be that if I got confused about something over the summer I could ask my friends, then my parents, then, eventually, the teachers at school when vacation ended. Now, though, there's no one to ask, more importantly, no one to answer. No one except me and this boy who I have to wake up if I want the world to live.

Back home, I'm thinking of it in the past tense already, I used to live for vacation. The time when I was free! Not just of school, but of burden and responsibility entirely. Free of everything.

I guess I've made up my mind though. Still…

"You're lucky, Sora. It looks like my summer vacation is…over."


	9. Irony Is Always Such A Bitch?

Before you even ask, rearrange the letters in Dyme and throw in an X and yes, Xigbar's element is, in fact, time.

This one is completely out there. Then again, I can't exactly get myself into this character's head... Well, I mean, I can but...he's too much like me in real life for me to quite get it done comfortably.

Actually, personally, I'm not a fan of this chapter, but hey, who am I to refuse the muses?

* * *

**Demyx**  
I Wonder Why…Irony is always such a bitch?  
Version One

* * *

One more reason to love music: it doesn't let the irony that is life sting you to the core. 

Oh sure, let them tell you I don't have a heart, and that there's nothing for irony to sting. Let them sit there and claim that my emotions are false and that whatever the hell this thing in my chest that keep's pumping blood through my veins is, it isn't a heart. Not like they have.

Not like he has.

Not like I used to have.

The fact of the matter is, I fought tooth and nail. There's a group of people that ran past here just before this kid and his silly animals. They fight against the heartless. In fact, it seems they think that they'll be beating the armored army Xemnas has got set up.

I could have been another member of their team. Well, not a warrior, of course. I didn't like fighting. I _don't_ like fighting. But that one woman, Aerith, she doesn't fight. She's a healer and she's still in their group. I'm sure she and Dyme would have gotten along wonderfully.

She wouldn't appreciate me now though, because I'm a vicious evil enemy. That's what they all think of me as.

I hate that. Truly and deeply in the very center of my not-a-heart I despise it.

I didn't let the darkness in my heart possess me like the original six. My heart was ripped away from me by force.

At least Roxas' other had the choice. Dyme didn't. _I_ didn't.

And now I've turned the tables. Instead of screaming and kicking and trying my hardest to get out, to get to a crossroads, to find sanctuary, I'm the one out to kill. I'm the one who's supposed to rip this kid apart. One I would have loved to join forces with under any other circumstances.

You know, I always did like that blond kid. Number thirteen was what most of them referred to him as. Key of Destiny, Xemnas called him. Me and Axel knew better. We called him Roxas and I think he liked it.

I wonder if he's gonna like it when he beats me senseless. And this time I don't get up and walk away, because this time Sora- Roxas without his X- is going to kill me.

I know that much.

I can feel it.

And you know what? I'm willing. I'd rather be nothing than nobody. Besides, I've seen the underworld. A mass pit of swirling green goo. Doesn't look so bad to me.

Or maybe that's for people with hearts and I get a one way trip to oblivion. Whatever.

Hey, at least- ow. Okay, see, that hurt.

Bad.

Ugh. Well, that's the last time I get a key upside the head.

I wonder if it'll bruise post-mortem?

How do I know the term post-mortem.

...I gotta stop having these chats with myself and start pretending I care about killing this brat. Let's see...

Hah! I'd like to see him cut through that many notes in under a minute.

So, where was I? Irony, right?

Yeah. The irony of it all is that I know exactly what's gonna happen next.

Xigbar's the master of all things time, but really, I'm the one who can see into the future. I knew the second my heart was ripped out that I wasn't dead and that something was severely wrong with that, and that it would only lead to trouble. And I knew the moment Axel came back to the castle that Roxas had finally gotten sick of us and left, and that all hell was going to break loose. And I knew when they sent me out on that stupid rock-kidnapping mission that I was being set up as bait. And I know that I'm about to die.

But hey, you can't deny I can put on one hell of a show. Pyrotechnics be damned. Who needs fire works when you can summon a hundred thousand gallons of water to come shooting up from the ground?

I think I'm going to miss that.

It'll be one of the few things I do miss, actually. I'm certain about that.

What is with this kid and hitting my head? Damn that huuuurts! I distinctly remember Roxas going for the abs. Organs and whatnot, he said. No head trauma was had!

Just another difference between the Nobody and the human, I suppose.

Hnn. Well. That's about that, then.

I feel like I should be complaining or something, but I kinda got used to the whole 'I'm about to die' thing awhile back. It's no different this time around.

Huh. Maybe I really don't have a heart.

Well hell, that's a wonderful dying revelation.

Talk about your irony...


	10. I Saw?

You have no idea how hard it is for me to try and remember such a dialogue heavy set of cutscenes. T.T If it's a miserable failure, please feel free to correct me and I'll edit it. It does get the general idea of what was said, though.This one's a bit long, but... Well, the muses demanded it and.. Oh, c'mon. You all know you just died for this scene!  
PS: This is the only chapter to actually get a rating I'd have to worry about being more than "K," but really, the entire reason is just implied. I'm probably being paranoid. ...+Shifty eyes+

**EDIT:** Okay, I got ahold of a full script of the game, and it turns out that this chapter does not just defy canon, it rapes and kills canon. Sooo, you can choose to ignore it, or you can read it for AU fiction, or whatever you choose. Thank you for your time.

* * *

**Kairi**  
I Wonder Why…I Saw

* * *

I remember Ansem, you know. Or, well, I remember Xehanort's heartless. I do remember Ansem, but not in the same light. 

The real Ansem is a single faded snapshot of red capes and blond hair that I can't really remember at all, but that I know exists.

I remember everything about him, though, the one who called himself Ansem. I remember godawful copper eyes that could melt metal, and I remember hair that was more white than silver and reminded me so very much of a falcon because of it's three feathered points, and most importantly, I remember how he was responsible for starting the hell that ripped me, Sora and Riku apart.

I remember every single detail of that man's face.

And when I see it again, it hurts. God, it hurts. This time, though, that silly tattoo of a heartless symbol won't be on his chest when he comes back with the same plans his predecessor had to keep himself _amused _until Sora comes. This time it'll be different. More jagged and less colorful, and altogether something else. Like that one fellows guitar, or the other's earring. They all have it somewhere.

This one calls himself Xemnas. Just as threatening, but on a different level entirely.

He's coming back now, though. To the room I can't get out of and that no one can get into without _their _skills. That so-dark-it's-bright column of black pulling up from the ground and contrasting so deeply from the white everywhere.

Blue eyes? ...My eyes. Who is she? Who is this girl? She doesn't have their mark... she only has pale skin and bright hair and white clothes and a sense of purity. Such a stunning sense of cleanliness...

Like they said I had.

She's offering me a chance out, and I'm taking it, and there's such a strange light and... we're in a hall?

"Run."

Run? Run whe- I haven't got time to think, because I hear someone, and I have to go. Now. She's beside me too, but it looks like she's disappearing into nothing. Like a transparent animation of a girl.

She's gone, and they're going to take me again. There's that same awful cloak. One of them is in front of me instead of behind.

But it's not _him_.

Not at all.

It's the same feathered falcon hair, and the same horrible copper eyes, and the same dark, dark skin, but it's not him.

"Riku."

And even if it's not him, it almost hurts to look, but it doesn't really, because it's Riku. Riku who I lost again just before I lost Sora again.

I've lost them both too many times.

He's not getting away this time. I would follow him anywhere. Maybe with the both of us, we can find Sora and get out of here.

And then it can be the three of us again. Just like always. What I wouldn't give to have them back, my boys. And here he is, staring at me from a face that he doesn't deserve to be trapped in.

So I follow, loyal as ever. This time when he runs, I don't have to trail behind like I always did when he and Sora raced and left me breathing their sandy dust.

_Sora_... Sora!

I can see him! He's... he's going to be killed! We have to help!

What the hell? It's those little ant-shaped heartless! God, there's a hundred hundred of them, and it's the same as that night. All I can do is run, but I won't, because that's not right.

"Here, take it." And the Ansem-that-isn't-Ansem, or the Riku-that-isn't-Riku, hands me a blade... Just like home. Fruits and flowers and sun given key form. And it's mine. I can tell. Is this how Sora felt when his Keyblade came to him? Or Riku with his?

"This time, I'll fight."

And it's strange, because I've never fought before. Never. Not even on the islands. I always played referee. But I can, now. I know it. I think it's the blade that's fighting, not me. Hack-and-slash and twist and jump. I can't jump that high! Well, I can now. Don't think. Slice and swing and- ack. What the hell? Is that blood? Stop thinking. Keep fighting. Is this how they feel? Doing something they can't without even trying?

It's over now. They're gone. Amazing... And just like that, my keyblade evaporates. Right into thin air, like it never existed in the first place. But it's still there. I could bring it back, I think, if I were to try. I hope I never have to.

Sora! He's coming up here! He's coming to see us again, and then it can be the three of us one more time. Me and my precious boys. And this time I won't feel like I'm giving up one, like when we nearly abandoned Riku on the islands and took the raft and ran, and I won't be losing both of them like when I went back home and they stayed out here. I won't have to worry anymore, and I won't have to choose who to pray for because I won't have to pray for them and- and-

Where's he going? Riku! Where's he-

"Wait! Ansem! ...er, Xehanort's heartless. Look, I know we fought before, but you...you saved Kairi, right? So, you can't be all bad... Thank you."

And I can't help but blink, because Sora can't see it and I can. Sora can't see how the green eyes seem trapped behind something more than yellow, and how the smooth white hair wants to roughen up and shine until it's silver, and how the tan seems to pale until it's milk-white.

"It's Riku." I say, and I clutch his hand and I can see that he didn't want me to tell, but it's okay, because I can make Sora see him for what he is, not what he looks like. "Close your eyes." Both of them do, and I do too after I find Sora's hand too, because it's easier that way. Because that's how, just for that one instant, I can make it just us again, no heartless, no nobodies, no Ansems or kings or kayblades or anything. Just us.

And in the dark, I can see them and it's wonderful, how Sora lights up when he sees Riku, and how Riku gets that soft smile that he always saved just for us and never anyone else, and it's perfect.

"Riku."

But even in that perfection, even when it's just me and the ones I love more than anything else...

Have they really changed that much? Are they so blinded that Riku doesn't understand that Sora still needs him? So blind that Sora can't even...even _see _him? ...Have I really stayed so much the same?

But it doesn't matter. Not really, because we're together now.

And yet...

If Sora couldn't recognise him...Why could I?


End file.
